Blog #3: What Does it Mean that 50% of Marriages End in Divorce?

I’ve been struggling with creating my research question for my ten page paper. I felt very blessed when Lindsay, our new English 102 teacher, helped me to create a new Interpretation Question the other night:

What does it mean that 50% of marriages end in divorce?

DISCLAIMER: With this blog as my sounding board, I’m going to rant.

It means that many people have been unhappy with their marriages. It means that lots of folks become turned off to the idea of marriage and that the concept of marriage is now changing. It means that people are changing the entire ideology of marriage and with the change, marriage is becoming something that can be thrown away, fixed, made better somehow in theory.

And even worse, society is teaching our children the new version of marriage. Society is teaching our children that step-parents are common and single parent homes are normal.

I, for one, want my children to know what marriage really is. Marriage is ordained of God between a man and a woman. They are meant to work together as a combined force to make things better than if it was just an individual. Marriage is about synergy and love. Marriage is about taking your spouse by the hand and walking through life to share in life’s joys, sadness, and to help your family during the healing process. Marriage is knowing someone will be there to support you when hard times come. Marriage is about creating a tightly knit family unit to hold on to so you can all withstand wordly evils together. Marriage is about holding strong. Marriage is having another person to care about more than yourself. Marriage is about doing what needs to be done to ensure your loved one is being all that they can be.

Marriage in it’s basic form is beautiful.

So why is the world trying to shave off pieces of marriage and then patchwork other concepts on to it- and in to it- to make it something different?

My husband says that people are looking for the easy way out. People work hard in their jobs and all they want is entertainment once they’re off the clock. Marriage is too much work for a lot of people and they don’t want more work on top of all the work that they already have.

To extend on that idea, I feel like people spend way too much time watching movies and participating on social media sites; there is far too much stimuli for people to simply be content anymore. But in reality, being content is part of God’s plan that people oh so often lose sight over… God wants us to find contentment and happiness. How can we every be truly happy if we are always fighting for the next best thing? And how will we know if we’ve found “the best thing?” With “the grass is always greener on the other side” mentality, no one can ever know peace. And sadly, the whole ordeal is cyclical.

We want the next best thing and we try to manipulate what we do have… All the while, what we have changes and pushes us farther into the darkness. And on top of all this turmoil, we have loads of confused advocates calling the darkness “the light.”

So how do we find our way out of the darkness? We hold to basic truths. Solid truths. We look for answers from those who have lived and learned. In the old days, marriages weren’t like Kim Kardashian’s or Brittney Spears’. Marriages are supposed to last not only a lifetime, but beyond that. Think Johnny and June Carter- Cash.

Kim Kardashian is, for who knows what reason, a role model to youth nowadays. Every young person knows her name, knows her body and face, knows most details about her life because of all the reality tv shows that she stars in. Kim Kardashian married an NBA player, Kris Humphries, for 72 days. Their divorce was glamorized and a mockery was made of marriage.

Because of Kim and Kris’ marriage sham, people don’t understand what marriage is supposed to be anymore. The whole idea of marriage is contorted and disfigured now because of the way the media presents it.

And how many famous couples cheat on each other?! We see it time and time again. And then their spouse takes them back. An example for the rest of us, right? Thank you to good old Bill and Hill.

But one of the worst reasons that has a solid grip on so many of us would have to be seductive magazines like Cosmo. Now, I’m not gonna lie. I read Cosmo all the time. I have every new issue before it hits stores. I love to read about the latest fashion tips and sex scandals. But Cosmo and the like glamorizes casual sex. Articles like “Hooking up 101” in the August 2013 issue teaches girls tips like carrying a “Shack Bag.” Which, by definition, means “A purse that contains essentials for spending the night with a guy who is not your boyfriend. May include some or all of the following: toothbrush, eye concealer, fresh underwear, condom” (page 154 by Jessica Knoll).

I mean HELLO PEOPLE! What are we teaching our children?!

Thank you, that is all for now.

❤ Siarra

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12 thoughts on “Blog #3: What Does it Mean that 50% of Marriages End in Divorce?

    1. The world has conditioned us to believe that casual sex is normal and okay. Hell, pretty much every living adult has done it. I don’t know a soul who hasn’t. But that just means that it’s been nailed into us (no pun intended) to accept it. Doesn’t make it right on the basic level of right and wrong. But of course these are just my opinions.
      Thanks for your thoughts.
      ❤ Siarra

    2. I respect the question..however, do people who embark on the idea of casual sex not see the troubles it causes? None? Even if you are safe, nothing is going to protect you 100%. I read that in a “casual sex for dummies” book, so take from it what you will. Unfortunately the problems are endless, but lets start with the basics… Herpes, HPV, GC and Chlamydia, Trich, AIDS, Hepatitis. As if that’s not enough, lets go on…. suicide, like it or not. It’s real. Shame, sorrow, emptiness. Over expectations… Because of course, if someone did it before, EVERYONE else should have to in order to protect your happiness. What about something as precious as a child? If you don’t have children yet, I hope you think very hard about how fragile a child is before you tread on those grounds. And so, study after study goes to show the troubles that come from a child who is lacking one of the two parents. I know that people can still grow up to be great individuals… I grew up raised by my father. I fight every day to do great. So no, it doesn’t mean the end of the world. But my question is, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO A CHILD!? Have you ever heard a child that was happy to not have a daddy or mommy? You have a child on accident and who pays? well, besides the one paying child support, the child does. in my feelings, single parent families are becoming far too normal. And why? I think siarra’s mom has a point about making careful decisions. But what does it say when people aren’t willing to fight for their vows? And let me say, if it’s because of cheating or something like that, fine. Tell the scum bag to hit the road. But again, why is that so prevalent today? Men control yourselves! Women, don’t let your man suffer for weeks. And people… Wake up and communicate with your spouse!! Stop sitting around pouting because of one or the other. Talk and actually try listening!
      Casual sex…. Again, what’s wrong with it? *sigh* I’m sorry that so many are oblivious to the changes happening in the world. I’m sorry your five minutes of enjoyment are enough to allow you to sit back watch society rot without it making you sick. It’s selfishness. Pure. Selfishness.
      Siarra is right, what are we teaching our children.

      1. That was absolutely amazing, Brad! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Oh. My. God. You hit my emotions spot on.
        And you are so right when you talked about the children suffering when their parents have them by accident or don’t maintain their relationship. All the articles and research that I’ve conducted on divorce always references the repercussions that children must face at the fault of their parents. A book that I just checked out from the library called “Understand the Cycle of Divorce: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages” shares insight on the fact that children whose parents get divorced, are more likely to get married young or live with partners who they don’t intend on marrying. The book also shares that most children whose parents divorced, will get divorced as well; it’s cyclical. It also shares that the relationships in which the people don’t get married, but do live together, rarely ever survive as a couple.
        I wish more people understood what society is doing is wrong and selfish.
        ❤ Siarra

  1. Also, by your own admission, you enjoy “read[ing] about the latest fashion tips and sex scandals”. So you are contributing to the part of society you’re deploring for “glamorizing casual sex”. Sometimes is does a person good to question their own thoughts and beliefs and really try to understand what it is that you’re angry about and what exactly you’re defending.

  2. Many DO consider marriage as a ‘throw away’ option, instead of careful consideration of their chosen partner. Once children are introduced into the relationship, it is imperative that both husband and wife are equally committed to each other and the work it takes to maintain and
    improve their marriage. In almost all cases, no other person will love and nurture children as well
    as their biological parents.

  3. I’m happy that your work here and the questions you’ve opened on Facebook are garnering reactions, Siarra. That tells us the topic you’re working on is suitably controversial and unresolvable – that’s where some really great essays come from. I would ask you, however, to practice (to shift toward, to lean into) curiosity. You began this blog with a great inquiry question (If I don’t say so myself 🙂 ), but then instead of exploring it, you self-admittedly began a rant. As researchers, however, we do want to embrace the uncertain and the unknown. We want to be comfortable playing the believer, the doubter, and the devil’s advocate – even with our own truths. Once we become certain (remember Brenee Brown?) we’re closing ourselves off from curiosity, from complex answers, and we’re reaching for a beer and a banana nut muffin before we’re reaching for the research that challenges our core beliefs. Therefore, I’d ask you to set aside the definite for a minute (hold on to that – it’s important because it’s who you are), and entertain the conversations going on around you. Are there more complicated reasons that marriage ends in divorce? Is it, like Jen asked the other day, necessarily a bad thing? What can it teach us about our culture, our values, our beliefs, our lives? Instead of answering, begin searching for how others answer. Look for patterns – themes – “camps.” Then step back and re-evaluate what you have in front of you. Make sense?

    You’re doing some really awesome, courageous work here. Thank you!!

    1. Thanks for your words Lindsay!
      I will do my best to set aside my beliefs and just research… And then come back to see what I believe after viewing lots of sources.
      ❤ Siarra

  4. Siarra, as we talked about the other day in class, I believe you have such a great topic. Almost for the same reason that we mentioned today in fact… The idea that maybe there isn’t just one Idea, but rather, one idea that leads to another, that leads to another, and so on. For example, as we talked about in class… A subject that I very well am wrong about… But I feel like if we go back EVEN to the biblical days (as we both feel strongly about) we will see that, unfortunately man has perverted this exclusive gift from God since the time it was created! If we go back to Abraham, his wife was having troubles getting pregnant…so he married his servant girl and she had multiple children for him…. This was all fine and dandy, except, how many people agree that multiple marraiges is right? probably not you or me….the biblical ones…right? So then we go on further in time and all throughout the bible, even Solomon….the author of the Proverbs… He had something like 700 wives! lets google it for fun! haha but the point is, he wrote in the proverbs to his son that it was wrong. he knew it was wrong. But he still made the choice. So this leads down the line to your question about divorce. I do agree that we are over stimulated… a reason that the bible also mentions to poke your dang eye out if you lust after another person… it creates discontentment. This is a very serious issue that I feel many people miss. So with that, lets set the bible aside and think of just that topic…. Discontentment. We see people dressing more and more risky and men and women leave the house dressed like they just came from a strip joint. I’m not saying its okay, but this is like waving drugs in front of an addict. I mean, the human brain is quite powerful. And so, I can see a divorce rate that is ever climbing or at a stand still because people have given up on it. Truth is, we never have, since day one taken it for the pure gift that it is. The gift to love and be loved by one person that you can always count on. One person you will always know loves you and will protect you. Someone to bear children with and raise them. To grow together in strength and from weakness. This is a true gift. Just as maybe adam and eve…. Ruined a perfect gift from the start… See a pattern? Unfortunately we need to address ourselves as individuals also… be the difference for yourself. Stop lusting for things that you don’t need.

    BradO

    Word count 458

    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on marriage and the bible. I love how ideas on divorce tend to be very sociological, which you addressed, but you also brought it back down to the individual level and the individual’s responsibilities. Keep up the curious thinking! I love the ideas you’re sparking for me.
      ❤ Siarra

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